Happy October 1st!
October 1st is the one-year anniversary of me being an attending surgeon, the beginning of a new month, the start of breast cancer awareness month, and Mid-Autumn Festival (15th day of the 8th month in the Lunar calendar).
Mid-autumn festival, the second most important holiday in Chinese culture, has always held a quiet corner of my heart. In Hong Kong, we used to go to these crazy night markets full of glowing plastic lanterns in all shapes and sizes, giant stuffed toys shaped like sushi, snacks like dragon’s beard candy, and sweet rice balls; every possible thing a young girl could want to buy. My parents loved the hustle and bustle of rubbing shoulders with other people, buoyed by the holiday spirit and that invisible energy of being. I guess we don’t rub shoulders anymore. When I was young, we had to learn the poem about the goddess Chang’e. She drank a magic potion and flew to the moon, forever separated from her lover. The moon festival has come to represent harvest, family, and gratitude. It’s a time when we all get together, from near and far, and share a meal or two. As an adult, I use this day to reflect on how far away from my family I’ve become. In years past, I could never take the day or the week off of work to be with them, and, now that I have a little bit of breathing room, I can’t go because I would have to quarantine for a month. Instead, L and I went to Chinatown to buy a few mooncakes and some cha siu (roast pork) rice. My grandma always says if you’re too tired to cook, go buy some cha siu rice. Somehow a styrofoam box of white rice topped with tender, salty-sweet pork is the epitome of luxury, and it is. It is a treat that I relish. We lit our little lanterns, sat on the balcony, and watched the candles burn out— first orange, then blue near the wick, and then the glowing red before darkness.
I wrote a poem over the summer called ‘Civil War of 2020’. At the time, I thought only of the divide that our unPrecedent had caused. After the first Presidential debate, I am frankly afraid that it might be something more. There’s something in the water that feels like a wild animal about to rise up out of the swamp. Did you know, according to historians, that civil wars are the most common type of war? We tend to think of war as international, storm their shores wars, but fighting amongst a people is way more common. I feel like the country is divided, and with a leader who will not bow out gracefully after losing his power, I’m worried there will be riots on Election night. Maybe for months after. Perhaps it will turn into something more. But stay safe, vote early, and stay home.
I have been so busy at work. The patients keep coming, and it seems like they all need surgery. In some cases, its something that’s been waiting for months, and in some cases, it honestly seems like people are trying to have surgery so that they can get a note to work from home (I’m not even kidding). In between actual work, I have had so many virtual conferences, lectures, workshops. I have to tell you, initially, it was a novelty, and I signed up for every single one. I was even going to write an article about it back in May. I listened to Whitney (Museum of Art) on Queer Belonging, Tushy on entrepreneurship, multiple Louise Penny book tours, Planner Con, my writing group, my advocacy group, my book club, and lately, all my academic conferences, from the Society of Asian Academic Surgeons to the Society of American Gastrointestinal and Endoscopic Surgeons, and the Robotic Surgery Collaborative… the list goes on and on. At first, it was fun. At first, I liked being able to sit at home or in my office and have it on in the background with a headphone in one ear. But lately, it’s gotten to be too much. I realized that I had violated my central tenet: Create, don’t consume. I spent so much time listening that I wasn’t writing. Less Zoom means more room to create, not consume. I had unconsciously been taking a ‘zoom’ break every few weeks — I would refuse to participate in the lectures. But now I will be making a conscious decision to zoom less, make more.
Lastly, I have been working on a website that encompasses every aspect of my social media presence. It was supposed to launch September 1st and then October 1st, but now both deadlines have passed. I may honestly have to hire someone to finish it for me. It will have all of my writing, poetry, recipes, links to my blog, and relevant articles. Watch this space! For now, I have been writing for BaselineMed, an incredible group of Brandeis students who are collecting resources for BIPOC students who don’t have healthcare professionals in the family and want to know about being a doctor. I think it’s a great cause.
I keep hearing, ‘2020 has been the worst.’
We spend so much time having bad years that
there won’t be many good years left to live.
Is this year really worse than any other?
I guess,
Yes.
But it’s a year in your life,
regardless of which option you choose.
#FOR RBG